Want to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse? Have $24,000? You’re in Luck
Benjamin T. Lambright 07.16.12
We all know it’s coming. Sooner or later hordes of shambling undead will stalk our wayward teenagers, surround our isolated cabins in the woods, and beat at our doors like ravenous Jehovah’s witnesses— all in name of turning our brainpans into a grey matter smorgasbord.
I don’t know about you but I am, at least ostensibly, attached to my brainpan and for that matter my brain.
Hypothetically, I would spend a lot of money to keep my brain where it is. Hypothetically, let’s say we all have $24,000 lying around to spend on keeping our brains as un-chewed as possible.
My plan: hire Bruce Campbell to fight my way through the zombie apocalypse for me. The following clip illustrates Campbell’s selfless nature and unmitigated butt kicking skills.
Problem solved. Campbell kills the zombies. I kick back with a beer and some nachos.
Unfortunately, there is only one Bruce Campbell. So you need to spend your money on some other non-Bruce Campbell related method of survival.
You’re in luck. OpticsPlanet will take your $24,000 and put it to good use…or something.
The Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) kit comes with everything you need to survive an invasion by the hungry dead except…ummm…guns.
But it does have knives, tools, cases, backpacks, reloading gear, gunsmithing gear, various tactical weapon accessories and a lot of other stuff. Here, just watch this.
OpticsPlanet had this to say about their kit:
There is no room for error when dealing with the undead. Our Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit takes into account all the different aspects of surviving the looming zombie apocalypse. When the undead hordes rise from their shallow graves to wreak havoc on all decent civilization, you’ll need to both fight back (Extermination), and find a cure (Research).
I tend to agree with them and if you already have your guns (I’m assuming you don’t have a Bruce Campbell at home) then this is all you need to make it through.
Then again, maybe you’re in the same boat I am and you’re too poor to have, even hypothetically have, $24,000 (in case you’re wondering I checked and OpticsPlanet doesn’t accept hypothetical dollars anyway). Don’t worry, the good people at OpticsPlanet will sell you the pieces to the Z.E.R.O. kit one at a time*. It’s sort of like layaway but instead of a new stereo system, you get to live.
To see a complete list of the gear follow this link: http://www.opticsplanet.com/zero-zombie-kit.html
*Quantities may be limited. Offer not valid if the makers of Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations kit have themselves been eaten by zombies.